Hell-o friends!
I feel so disconnected from you all now that I’m no longer sitting around in my ‘jammys’ all day reading your blogs and writing my own.
It seems important to me to write about a current situation in my family which has made me extremely sad. Bear with me, please.
Youngest son and his father no longer have a relationship. The details of that are beyond the scope of this blog…but suffice it to say that it has caused much suffering for the both of them, as well as for others in the family.
They haven’t seen each other for nearly three years, which means also that my former husband hasn’t seen his granddaughter for that length of time. She, at first, was a shining star in his life. He has missed so much of her development that I think he mightn’t know her if he ran into her on the street.
Now comes his 60th birthday. His partner – a person who for some reason has always felt threatened by my son and myself – has decided to have a birthday dinner at a lovely restaurant near where young son and I live, but has not invited young son. [Older son is invited. He has a different father.]
I have always believed that life is just too short for emotional cut-offs. We all know of people who were here one day and gone the next. When that happens, there is no longer an opportunity for apologies. Only regrets…which can last a lifetime.
What is there to say or do about a situation like this? In days gone by, I would have stuck my big nose into the matter…only to make it worse. But I have learned that there are indeed some things that I just can’t fix.
I constantly wonder what is happening here. Is it pride? An unwillingness to try to see the other’s point of view? An inability to pay the price of being vulnerable and reaching out for remedy?
I don’t know. But I know that both of them are hurting deeply. As am I. As is the older son.
Yes, we were a ’strange’ family. Yes, we made countless mistakes…probably me more than the rest of them. But there was a time, my loves, when you two were so important to each other. Can you remember that? Can you recall the laughter and the good times that you shared?
Here’s what I know for sure. Former husband will attend his party…reluctantly…wishing that his son could be there. And son will hurt in his own, distinctive way that he can’t.
Here’s my question for readers: Should someone you love more than anything in the world have the power to make you choose between him/her and your former family? If that person really loved you, would he/she even ask that of you? Just how important is blood? I’m asking because I truly don’t know. I’ve never been in this situation.
I just remember this past Christmas, when young son broke my heart saying, “I keep thinking that Dad will surprise me by showing up on my doorstep.” He didn’t. The price for that would have been too high.
I am so deeply saddened by all of this.
Thank you for reading.
Peace…and unbroken family relationships to you all!
P
